I didn't start feeling conscious of my body or comparing myself to others until my tweens.
Before then, I was blissfully unaware of body ideals as a tiny, athletic tomboy.
But around puberty, when my body started to change, so too did my expectations for what my body should look like.
It didn't help that this was the early noughties — Britney's low-rise denims, crop tops and pierced belly rings were en vogue with zero tolerance for signs of body fat.
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I felt the pressure to look like these women and it didn't help that most of my friends were tall and skinny.
As my body changed, I grew increasingly frustrated.
The weight was making itself at home in my thighs and around my chest. Skinny jeans were my enemy; they just made my thighs look bigger.
Standing at 158cm, I was unrealistically judging my body for being too curvy and comparing it to bodies that didn't look like mine.
By my early 20s, I disliked any sign of 'curves' on my body and to disguise them, I started to dress androgynously. Oversized tops and pants became my uniform.
I'd be mortified if a top I was wearing showed even a hint of cleavage because I didn't want my body to make others feel uncomfortable.
I felt that clothes that didn't fit these criteria made me look 'sexy' and I avoided them at all costs.
What's considered 'curvy' in one culture is different in another
My attitude about my 'curvy' body started to shift when I started spending more time over the summers in Zambia with the women in my family and friends. Every single body shape and size imaginable was represented.
Ironically, in my family, I'm not considered 'curvy'. On the contrary, I get teased incessantly by my aunties about the fact that I don't have a booty.
One aunty has jokingly nicknamed me "notebook" to emphasise what they perceive as my flat posterior.
But it wasn't until I saw one of my female cousins, who is fuller-figured, wearing the tightest skinny jeans and a crop top that I appreciated how women could own their bodies in a way I'd never seen before.
I was used to feeling the pressure to cover up 'imperfections', but here was my cousin in all her fabulousness showing off every curve on her body and not hiding it.
No-one looked twice at her and I remember thinking, "If she can love and accept her body the way it is, why can't I?"
I wanted to be as confident as she was in her body and I decided to do something about it.
Accepting your body takes time
The road to self-acceptance and self-love isn't always straightforward. I had to unlearn what made some bodies more 'attractive' over others.
Historically, black women's bodies have always been hypersexualised. Many of these narratives are rooted in the early voyages by Europeans to the African continent who upon seeing 'scantily clad natives' believed that black women were 'sexually lewd'.
Another historical example of the commodification of black women's bodies is Sarah Baartman.
A Khoisan woman from present-day South Africa, she was taken to Europe and put on display in 'freak shows' and crowds were invited to look at her bottom which was considered 'large'.
Today, large bottoms are celebrated — with celebrities like Kim Kardashian leading the charge.
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But not all famous women with 'big butts' receive equal treatment.
Arguably the greatest female tennis player in history, Serena Williams' career has been mired with endless criticism about her body.
Commentators have focused on the size of her butt and breasts — scrutiny that many argue, white female tennis players haven't had to endure.
Michelle Obama's body has also been shamed for not fitting into the 'mainstream' beauty ideal of what a 'feminine' body should look like.
Understanding that as a black woman, how my body is perceived is historically rooted in racist and sexist narratives helped me embrace my physique.
Seeing a diverse representation of body shapes represented and celebrated in the media (hello, Lizzo) has also contributed to fighting the insecurities about my body I had when I was younger.
Regardless of your race, gender or age, most of us at some point in our lives struggle with accepting the bodies we were born into. Learning to embrace them as we grow is key.
As for me, I've even started wearing clothes that hug my figure and accentuate the very parts of my body I spent years covering up.
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As a black woman, it took me a long time to accept my curves — but here's how I did - ABC Life
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